Serial offender

Sometimes I look in the mirror that is my computer monitor, see the avatar gazing back at me, and wonder quite how I got to be that person. It amazes me how traits are distilled through a digital medium; how our RL safeguards and fail safes are rerouted and overwritten.

Yup, it's another of those navel-gazing, self-analysis plurks. If you don't wanna be an emo voyeur, look away now. Don't say I didn't warn you...

It is true I wear my heart on my sleeve, I launch myself into things and it tends to be everything or nothing with me. I struggle with anything in between, it seems, for whatever reason. I also seem to be able to make a girl feel special, like she is everything in my world. This is not a good thing.

It seems like it should be. It seems like it should be brilliant. Everyone's a winner, right? But it's not. It causes pain and hurt, especially when coupled with my other characteristics I listed above.

Y'see, when a girl is everything is my world, I dive in, head first. And she feels overwhelmed, pampered and special. So very special. For a while, everything is rosy and songbirds dance around our heads singing sweet songs of spring. But then something will happen or something will change, and I might not even know what or why. The initial lustre will fade and my binary switch will flick from 1 to 0. When that happens I know there is only one outcome. So I bail. It really is for the best.

Only, the girl is still seeing those songbirds. She is left stunned and confused and hurting. I hate that I do that.

There are one or two girls scattered around the SLuniverse who are nodding right now, assuming they're reading this. They know what I am talking about. They have experienced it first hand. I have hurt them. I intensely dislike that I have. I don't mean to. But I never learn my lesson. I always plough on regardless, blind to the road signs screaming "caution", disregarding the impending road crash, thinking this time it will be different. But it never is.

And so, I plead with you, heed my warning. I don't know what the future holds, who fate will cause to cross my path. I only know that falling for me leads to pain and anguish. If I start to pay you too much attention pull up the drawbridge, man the battlements and set that boiling tar a-bubbling. I might lay siege to your castle, but do not open your gates. I'm a trojan horse.