Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tugging on the heart-strings

A good friend told me off last night. She read my review of my first year in SL and then she told me off. She said I had compromised in a particular area of my slife, hardly mentioning it and not giving it the time and space it warranted.

I wanted to disagree with her but in truth I could not. She's right. I did only briefly skip over an area of SL that has in many ways defined my second life so far and made Marnix who he is, rezzed here today.

The topic is question is of course, relationships. Relationships are so many different things to different people in here. Emotional, sexual, virtual, physical, platonic, supportive, ... . The list is never-ending. I couldn't hope to write a general post to discuss every possible variation and permutation of what we are respectively seeking here; either our stated rational needs or our unstated emotional ones. So instead I will focus on me and open up a little about what relationships have meant for me in the past year. A sub-post to my previous review, if you like. But without the emo crap. Been there, done that.

If you have read much of this blog before you will know there have been ups and downs in the emotional side of the past year. Some great ups, but some heavy downs too.

Perhaps I skipped over the subject in question in my rezzday review subconsciously on purpose. A few of the potential sub-headings are vocal about my mistakes and my flaws and perhaps I wanted to avoid steer clear of breaking down the door of the room filled with more hurt, misunderstandings and vitriol. If drama is laying there seemingly not breathing, you don't want to poke it with a stick to check, just in case, do you?

But my friend last night was right. By not giving some major parts of my last year more than a passing mention I was devaluing what we shared and what I learned as well as selling you, my few readers, short.

In short, sometimes it is hard to write in much detail about this side of things. If I expound on this part of my second life too much there is a danger I may veer across the boundary to the RL equivalent. And to be honest, that is not somewhere I wish to go. I am happy to explain my decisions, or lack of, to close friends, but I don't want to put you all in a position where you can't help but judge me too. It is not fair on either of us.

So skipping over detail, I want to tell you that there have been important people who've shared major parts of my last year in SL. But not all of the roads I've travelled have ended without a bump or two. In fact, there are a couple of journeys that leap to mind that ended up in a road crash and a smouldering, burned-out wreck at the bottom of a cliff. But everytime both passengers walked away. Sometimes a bit bruised. But we survived.

Sometimes, to extend the metaphor, we continued in the same direction but in different cars. Other times we sped away knowing it would be best to not look back. One of my dearest and closest friends now was the result of a semi-unrequited infatuation so there wasn't a pile of charred and twisted metal at the end of every chapter.

I do remember happy times with the girls who've shared my life so far, despite what may have followed. It is amazing how the hours and miles can melt away as you virtually sit in each others arms, chatting about nothing. There were laughs, there smiles and there were tears. I guess one thing about looking back over my blog is that it is easy to remember the happy times. We don't often take photos of anger and upset.

As I come to close I realise I don't really know how to conclude this post. I guess I just need to nod knowingly at the friend from last night and to look to the future. We all make mistakes. All we can hope is that we learn from them.

1 comment:

  1. I really don't know how I found your blog, but in a sea of fashiony stuffs and updates and things to rush around pondering, sigh, I have to jump write in and read what you have been up to... It is just the loveliest blog ..pah nothing constructive to say..I just love reading it ...so er keep on keeping on and all that! regards, elfie -x-


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