Thursday, March 19, 2009

Why am I here?

I do wonder sometimes why do I blog? I mean, what does it add? For me? For others? Am I writing for me or for others?

I think the answer I usually arrive at is "it depends".

Sometimes I am blogging so that I can look back over time and see my progression (like when I come across photos that show what I looked like in the early days!) I guess it's like keeping a diary in RL. It is therapeutic to relive those emotions and experiences from days gone by and reflect on lessons learned. And bad hair and clothes.

Sometimes I am blogging because I just solely want a record. I want a moment in time to be remembered.

Sometimes I blog just to empty my buzzing head of thoughts and questions. Just to get it all down there in black and white. To clarify my thinking.

Sometimes I am writing to share with others. I want them to know me better, to understand me, to see through my eyes. I am Marnix; share my life.

Sometimes it's just waffle. Just because I feel I want to write. So much of my RL life is numbers that it's nice to use words for a change. Mindspill.

Sometimes I blog just to seek a connection with someone, somewhere in the world. Seeking others who'll nod and empathise, remembering similar experiences themselves.

And sometimes it's like a pick-n-mix assortment of all of the above.

I guess the bottom line is, as I say, it depends. I do know that my reasons have probably evolved over time, as my SL self has absorbed more and more of the RL me. I started in SL and wondered how to meet people; nice, intelligent people. Googling SL at work illuminated the path towards SL blogs. Creating an SL blog identity allowed me to connect with them, reading those blogs and commenting on them - it was all about making connections, even if timezones would mean we'd never meet inworld. And then, since I was here, I decided to write, to see what happened. I had no preformed ideas about where I was headed.

But over time the reason for blogging changed and developed. I discovered other motives and causes for posts that I didn't know existed within me.

Ultimately the blog did allow me to make connections. And it still does. A few of those connections have been replicated inworld. Not enough, in my mind, but I'm still new. There's time.

It continually amazes me that I post a lot more on my SL blog than my RL blog. The RL blog had only one real purpose. Well two maybe. To document stuff, emotions and experiences, for myself when I moved to the other side of the world, and to share that stuff with friends and family back home. It was easier and more frequent than a Christmas letter. But within those constraints there is so much I cannot write. Inner thoughts I wrestle with, issues I wrangle over. My anonymity here does not restrict me in the same way. Here if I want to talk about a girl I met, a crush that developed, a potential love lost I can. Here dreams and fears are common knowledge, public information. I appreciate the chance to be open, to be candid as CeN describes me, and to know that in some small way, people are listening and connecting with me.

1 comment:

  1. You took the words right out of my mouth. I had a rl blog too, but ended up deleting it. I talk to my family every day on email, and i was just not motivated to write.

    I write on my sl blog every day, which has actually morphed over into my rl blog as well, over's too hard for me to separate the two, i was never any good at it. So now, I have a blog where I can express both.



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